Women in the Word Pt. 2: The Samaritan Woman
As we continue our Women in the Word series, we arrive today at one woman different from all the rest. Her name is unknown, but her story has lived on throughout the centuries. She is the Samaritan woman. Several posts could be dedicated to her story alone, but I'll just focus on three elements of it–lust, love, and the need for living water.
John documents her interaction with Jesus in chapter four of his gospel. It's a lengthy account, so I'll just give you the play-by-play. Jesus learned that the Pharisees had heard that he was making more disciples than John the Baptist. Now, whether that was a bad thing for the Pharisees we are not sure, but Jesus decided to make a move and head to Galilee. Then John says something really interesting about Jesus’ journey from Judea to Galilee, he said that Jesus had to pass through Samaria.
Why is that tidbit of information interesting?
Jesus did not have to actually pass through the Samaria to get to Galilee. It was definitely the quickest route to Galilee, but he didn’t have to pass through it, nor should he have had to at all. In fact, it’s a bit scandalous that he did so. Here’s why. Jews hated Samaritans. Samaritans were unclean and syncretists–they fused Judaism with paganism. So no self-respecting Jew would ever, no matter how quick it would get them to Galilee from Judea, pass through Samaria, but Jesus did.
Then Jesus arrives at a town named Sychar, the place where Jacob’s well is located, at around noon. Jesus is pretty drained from his journey so he takes a seat at the well. As he is sitting there a Samaritan woman approaches the well to draw some water. She didn’t say anything to Jesus, and probably didn’t look at him either. Knowing he was a Jewish man, she would’ve wanted to draw her water and get out of there as quick as possible. Then Jesus does the culturally unthinkable–he asks the woman to give him a drink. His words were more like a command, “Give me a drink” he said. And their dialogue begins.
Cohabitation and consumer relationships
The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.” Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.”
Jesus and the Samaritan woman are talking about water and all of a sudden Jesus just steers the entire conversation in another direction. He took the conversation from water to relationships because Jesus is about to deal with a spiritual issue. The issue was initially a physical one–she is thirsty for the water Jesus is offering. But Jesus is dealing with something beyond just physical thirst, he is dealing with spiritual thirst, which is precisely why he asks her about her relationships.
Remember, Jesus should not have passed through Samaria to get to Galilee, but he did, and he did so for the sole reason to give the gospel to this woman. That is what he is doing here. In essence, Jesus tells the woman “listen, I have a water that whoever drinks of it will never thirst again,” the woman replies, “that sounds great, give me this water so that I will not be thirsty or ever have to come here again.” Jesus replies, “Go call your husband.” Imagine this for a second; the woman must have heard that command and initially been like, “ok, sounds good, will do, wait, what? Excuse me Jesus but I have no husband.” Jesus replies, “that’s right, you don’t have a husband, in fact, you have had five husbands, and the guy you’re with now is not your husband.”
Jesus is confronting the woman with the reality that she is in a consumer relationship. What do I mean by consumer relationship? Let me tease that out with a story.
In April 14, 2012, Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia, wrote an article for the New York Times entitled “The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage.” She writes about her 32 year old client who in the article, to protect her real identity, went by the name of Jennifer. Jennifer and her boyfriend lived together for four years before they got married. Less than a year after getting married, Jennifer was being counseled by Meg and looking for a divorce lawyer. This is what Jennifer said, “I spent more time planning my wedding than I did happily married…My parents got married young so, of course, they got divorced. We lived together! How did this happen?”
In other words, Jennifer is saying, “My parents were bound to get divorced because they married young, but not me, I didn’t make that mistake. In fact, I married later and even lived with my boyfriend for four years!”
Consider Meg’s research findings about the issue of cohabitation. In the United States, cohabitation has increased by more than 1,500 percent in the past half century. In 1960, about 450,000 unmarried couples lived together. Now the number is more than 7.5 million. In a nationwide survey conducted in 2001 by the National Marriage Project, nearly half of 20-somethings agreed with the statement, “You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along.” About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce.
What was interesting to me was that the research clearly revealed that the 20-somethings were wrong in their assumption. Living together and engaging in sex before marriage is not a good way to avoid divorce, but a good way to set you on the path to divorce.
Remember Jennifer? She said she never felt as though her boyfriend was committed to her. She admitted that she felt like she was on this multiyear, never-ending audition to be his wife. But that is precisely what cohabitation and a sex-before-marriage consumer relationship is–an audition. It's marketing or try-outs. The tendency in these relationships is to market or put forward your best self so they can choose you. It’s reduces you to a commodity. Think of it like going shopping–you get what you want and/or need then you leave–no commitments, just business.
When you’re in a consumer relationship you are looking out for your wants and needs. This runs contrary to God's design. He gave us the grounds and guidelines for relationships–the covenant union called marriage. In a marriage we say to one another in the covenant bond, “I have given you my life, therefore I give you my body, money, etc.”
When Jesus shows up
The Samaritan woman knew this at some point, but now opted instead for cohabitation and transaction. She was in her sixth relationship audition, hoping to land the leading role in a man’s life. Then Jesus shows up.
He says, “I can satisfy your thirst. You’re not thirsty for water, no, you’re thirsty for meaning and you’ve been searching for meaning in men. You want to matter to someone. You want their acceptance, approval, affirmation, and attention. You have used sex to get love from the men in your life and the men in your life have used love to get sex, and that’s the issue. You want love–in sickness and in health love, for better or for worse love, till death do us part love. You want covenant love. In fact, you thirst for it, and if you come to me you will never thirst again."
Sound familiar? The Samaritan woman’s story is our story. We thirst for those same things and go to great lengths to quench our thirst. We got to the well to draw acceptance, approval, affirmation, and love, but only Jesus can give those things truly, deeply, and fully. Only Jesus can quench the thirst for relational perfection we desire.
So, come to the well of salvation and drink deeply. You will never thirst again.
John documents her interaction with Jesus in chapter four of his gospel. It's a lengthy account, so I'll just give you the play-by-play. Jesus learned that the Pharisees had heard that he was making more disciples than John the Baptist. Now, whether that was a bad thing for the Pharisees we are not sure, but Jesus decided to make a move and head to Galilee. Then John says something really interesting about Jesus’ journey from Judea to Galilee, he said that Jesus had to pass through Samaria.
Why is that tidbit of information interesting?
Jesus did not have to actually pass through the Samaria to get to Galilee. It was definitely the quickest route to Galilee, but he didn’t have to pass through it, nor should he have had to at all. In fact, it’s a bit scandalous that he did so. Here’s why. Jews hated Samaritans. Samaritans were unclean and syncretists–they fused Judaism with paganism. So no self-respecting Jew would ever, no matter how quick it would get them to Galilee from Judea, pass through Samaria, but Jesus did.
Then Jesus arrives at a town named Sychar, the place where Jacob’s well is located, at around noon. Jesus is pretty drained from his journey so he takes a seat at the well. As he is sitting there a Samaritan woman approaches the well to draw some water. She didn’t say anything to Jesus, and probably didn’t look at him either. Knowing he was a Jewish man, she would’ve wanted to draw her water and get out of there as quick as possible. Then Jesus does the culturally unthinkable–he asks the woman to give him a drink. His words were more like a command, “Give me a drink” he said. And their dialogue begins.
Cohabitation and consumer relationships
The Samaritan woman said to him, “How is it that you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.) Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water.” The woman said to him, “Sir, you have nothing to draw water with, and the well is deep. Where do you get that living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob? He gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did his sons and his livestock.” Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water, so that I will not be thirsty or have to come here to draw water.” Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” The woman answered him, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You are right in saying, ‘I have no husband’; for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have said is true.”
Jesus and the Samaritan woman are talking about water and all of a sudden Jesus just steers the entire conversation in another direction. He took the conversation from water to relationships because Jesus is about to deal with a spiritual issue. The issue was initially a physical one–she is thirsty for the water Jesus is offering. But Jesus is dealing with something beyond just physical thirst, he is dealing with spiritual thirst, which is precisely why he asks her about her relationships.
Remember, Jesus should not have passed through Samaria to get to Galilee, but he did, and he did so for the sole reason to give the gospel to this woman. That is what he is doing here. In essence, Jesus tells the woman “listen, I have a water that whoever drinks of it will never thirst again,” the woman replies, “that sounds great, give me this water so that I will not be thirsty or ever have to come here again.” Jesus replies, “Go call your husband.” Imagine this for a second; the woman must have heard that command and initially been like, “ok, sounds good, will do, wait, what? Excuse me Jesus but I have no husband.” Jesus replies, “that’s right, you don’t have a husband, in fact, you have had five husbands, and the guy you’re with now is not your husband.”
Jesus is confronting the woman with the reality that she is in a consumer relationship. What do I mean by consumer relationship? Let me tease that out with a story.
In April 14, 2012, Meg Jay, a clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia, wrote an article for the New York Times entitled “The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage.” She writes about her 32 year old client who in the article, to protect her real identity, went by the name of Jennifer. Jennifer and her boyfriend lived together for four years before they got married. Less than a year after getting married, Jennifer was being counseled by Meg and looking for a divorce lawyer. This is what Jennifer said, “I spent more time planning my wedding than I did happily married…My parents got married young so, of course, they got divorced. We lived together! How did this happen?”
In other words, Jennifer is saying, “My parents were bound to get divorced because they married young, but not me, I didn’t make that mistake. In fact, I married later and even lived with my boyfriend for four years!”
Consider Meg’s research findings about the issue of cohabitation. In the United States, cohabitation has increased by more than 1,500 percent in the past half century. In 1960, about 450,000 unmarried couples lived together. Now the number is more than 7.5 million. In a nationwide survey conducted in 2001 by the National Marriage Project, nearly half of 20-somethings agreed with the statement, “You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along.” About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce.
What was interesting to me was that the research clearly revealed that the 20-somethings were wrong in their assumption. Living together and engaging in sex before marriage is not a good way to avoid divorce, but a good way to set you on the path to divorce.
Remember Jennifer? She said she never felt as though her boyfriend was committed to her. She admitted that she felt like she was on this multiyear, never-ending audition to be his wife. But that is precisely what cohabitation and a sex-before-marriage consumer relationship is–an audition. It's marketing or try-outs. The tendency in these relationships is to market or put forward your best self so they can choose you. It’s reduces you to a commodity. Think of it like going shopping–you get what you want and/or need then you leave–no commitments, just business.
When you’re in a consumer relationship you are looking out for your wants and needs. This runs contrary to God's design. He gave us the grounds and guidelines for relationships–the covenant union called marriage. In a marriage we say to one another in the covenant bond, “I have given you my life, therefore I give you my body, money, etc.”
When Jesus shows up
The Samaritan woman knew this at some point, but now opted instead for cohabitation and transaction. She was in her sixth relationship audition, hoping to land the leading role in a man’s life. Then Jesus shows up.
He says, “I can satisfy your thirst. You’re not thirsty for water, no, you’re thirsty for meaning and you’ve been searching for meaning in men. You want to matter to someone. You want their acceptance, approval, affirmation, and attention. You have used sex to get love from the men in your life and the men in your life have used love to get sex, and that’s the issue. You want love–in sickness and in health love, for better or for worse love, till death do us part love. You want covenant love. In fact, you thirst for it, and if you come to me you will never thirst again."
Sound familiar? The Samaritan woman’s story is our story. We thirst for those same things and go to great lengths to quench our thirst. We got to the well to draw acceptance, approval, affirmation, and love, but only Jesus can give those things truly, deeply, and fully. Only Jesus can quench the thirst for relational perfection we desire.
So, come to the well of salvation and drink deeply. You will never thirst again.
Rev. Mike Hernandez serves as the senior pastor of Crossroads Presbyterian Church. He is a graduate of Trinity International University (B.A.), Knox Theological Seminary (M.Div.), and is currently pursuing a Doctor of Ministry (D.Min.) at Reformed Theological Seminary Orlando. He has written for Gospel-Centered Discipleship and is a member of the National Association of Scholars.
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