The Purpose of Suffering
What is the purpose of suffering? This is a deep and vast question that has been asked across every culture, continent, and cry that cuts through the darkness of sorrow. From the heights of academia and the deep thoughts of philosophical contemplation down to the falling tears of a heart broken mother; this question is continually asked. This query is often asked in a more poignant fashion as more commonly expressed through the cries of, “Why is this happening to me?” or “Why would God allow me to go through this?” Nevertheless, the question is all the same. What is the purpose of suffering?
The resolution to this question is often a deep mystery that can take us down dangerous rabbit trails of hypothetical answers that never truly satisfy our souls. “What if I did this or that, then maybe things would’ve turned out differently,” only leaves us with unnecessary guilt and regret. Overemphasis on wrongs done to us and victimizing ourselves only leaves us feeling bitter or angry. Certainly, in cases of abuse or pain, trauma must be dealt with appropriately. Sadly, when trauma is all we have without any hope, it becomes our identity. It ends up guiding the course of our lives and defines who we are.
Suffering is subjective and because of this, everyone is subject to its touch at some point or another. In most cases, it is constant in all of our lives in one way or another, whether conscious or not. Whether it's the nagging migraine that seems to never go away, or the broken heart of a teenager who just got dumped, all the way up to the diagnosis that has brought our lives to a screeching halt, or the dreaded phone call that a child has overdosed… Suffering touches us all in some way or another and in many cases never seems to end.
Sadly, as a result of Adam’s fall and the introduction of sin into the world, sin, death, and suffering will continue to reign over the course of the world and our lives. The good news is that Christ has already achieved victory over all these in his death and resurrection. Because of this reality, all these will be removed at the consummation of his wonderful kingdom. However, how do we as Christians persevere through the thorns and thistles of suffering as we await Christ’s return in the time between the already, but not yet?
Entire books have been written across church history to answer this question and the biblical proof texts to give us meaning in our suffering is plentiful. My intention in this blog is not to present some grandiose new concept intended to take away all your pain or heal the wounds you have. Rather, I would like to present to you a story of how one simple Bible verse on suffering changed a dear friend of mine’s perspective on his own personal grief. This change was so profound that he no longer saw his trial as a curse, but a gift that was given to him by the very hand of God. Our verse of study today is Philippians 1:29, which states, “For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake”.
I met my dear friend and brother, Terry Blessing (Yes, that is his real name), in December 2017. I had just started as the program manager of a Christian re-entry program. This was a program for men who had come to faith in Christ while incarcerated and desired a residential discipleship program to help them integrate back into society upon release. He entered the program the same week that I started and immediately our personalities connected. He was a mountain of a man who liked to fist fight and wore the battle scars to prove it. He took no attitude from anyone and was ready to throw down for any reason and at any time. Yet, there was one person who somehow got away with poking and prodding him in ways that others weren’t permitted to… and that person was me. Terry and I loved each other dearly as brothers in Christ and our friendship was unbreakable.
Over the course of the next year in this program, I had the privilege of discipling Terry and watching him grow from a self absorbed and self centered bully into one of the kindest and gentlest giants you could ever know. He was a living breathing testimony of the Holy Spirit’s power in action and I had a front row seat to this wonderful transformation.
During my time of counseling and discipling Terry, he shared with me his life story. This was a dark and disturbing tale of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse that began at an early age. According to Terry, his mother divorced his father to pursue a relationship with his uncle. As a result, Terry was forced to move in with his mom and uncle. Terry recalled that his uncle hated him because, “I looked like my dad,” and began physically and emotionally abusing him. Terry shared with me that his uncle would force him to stand naked on his kitchen table and hold books in each arm. If Terry dropped the books, his uncle would beat him. This abuse eventually escalated into his uncle raping him.
To make matters so drastically worse, when Terry’s mother found out about the abuse she failed to put a stop to it. Rather, she began to participate in the sexual abuse against Terry alongside his uncle. This was a deep and shameful secret that Terry kept hidden throughout the course of his adolescence. By his early teens, Terry had run away from home and resorted to violence as a mask to hide the horrid atrocities committed against him. I remember driving with Terry through Lebanon, Pennsylvania one summer evening. On this drive, Terry pointed out an old run down shack and informed me that he, “used to sleep in there on cold nights, when I was afraid to go home.” By the age of 19, Terry was arrested and charged with armed robbery of a 7-11. He was sentenced to 5-20 years at Camp Hill State Correctional Institution.
Yet, during this time in prison, Jesus found Terry and Terry found life! Now, I had the privilege of shepherding Terry as he entered into society through our program. It should be noted that this program was difficult. A sort of “Bible Boot Camp”, if you will. Nevertheless, Terry scratched and clawed his way through the program and had reached our final phase after about a year with us. Then one morning, Terry had a moment of weakness. Another student in the program began poking and prodding Terry to get a response and Terry blew up and shoved this kid. From there, I had to hold Terry back to ensure that he didn’t kill him! When Terry finally calmed down, he knew the mistake that he had made. Our program had a zero tolerance policy on physical altercations. If you put your hands on someone, you’re out! I had bad news to break to my brother Terry. He was going back to state prison. We were both crushed…
I’ll never forget sitting with Terry to break the news to him. Before I could speak, he broke down sobbing. He knew what awaited him if we put him out. Through sobbing and a broken voice, Terry told me, “If you send me back out in these streets, I’m either going to end up killing someone or someone is going to kill me… please Doug… I’m not ready…”. This was the only time that I petitioned for our board to break our rule on physical altercations. The transformation that we had witnessed in this man could not be denied. What he needed in this moment of weakness was not law and wrath. Terry Blessing needed grace and grace is exactly what we gave him. We allowed Terry to stay in the program, contingent upon him starting the entire thing over from the beginning. Terry agreed and I was blessed to have the opportunity to continue discipling my brother for at least another year.
Then comes the plot twist. Shortly after Terry restarted the program, he got sick. It started with a consistent low fever and mild-flu like symptoms. However, within a few months, Terry began noticing large purple sores forming all over his legs. These would continue to spread throughout his body. His primary care physician was stumped, dermatologists were clueless, and Hershey Medical center could only stabilize him. However, Terry’s world came to a screeching halt when he was finally diagnosed by doctors at the University of Pennsylvania. Terry was diagnosed with a rare and extremely aggressive form of lymphoma. He was in stage four and the doctors gave him mere months to live. He was 31 years old when he received this crippling news.
At this time, I was a student at Westminster in Philly and was taking Greek courses. I would take Terry to his appointments in the city, go to class and come back to pick him up. Because of the aggressive nature of the cancer, he was constantly being poked, prodded, and worked on. Caring for Terry became a full time job that the ministry team did with great joy. We all learned how to clean his pic lines, what his diet needed to consist of, and we understood his condition intimately so that we could help him discern the next right steps. Terry was abundantly loved and supported through this time of trial.
During this time, I lived on-site with the men in the program half the week and then came home to Delaware the other half. This gave the men full access to me at any time from Sunday through Wednesday. Oftentimes, my ministry work was outside of the normal hours of operation and lasted well into the early morning hours. On one of these late nights, Terry came to my office around 1am as I was working on Greek translations of Philippians 1. Terry had just come home from a two week admittance to Hershey Hospital due to a high fever. When he came in, I could tell he was afraid and broken. Terry entered the office, laid down on my couch and before he could begin speaking he broke down in tears. His cry this morning was simply, “Why me?” “Why after everything that I have been through would God allow this to happen to me?”
In God’s providence, I had an answer for my beloved brother. Just moments earlier I had finished translating Philippians 1:29 and found a wonderful and amazing exegetical detail that was not seen in the English translation. The ESV translates this verse as, “For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake”. The verb translated as, “it has been granted” is charizomai. This verb comes from the root out of which we get the term and theological concept of grace! The picture presented by this word is not a mere granting of something to another, but rather presents a beautiful picture of something that is, “graciously given as a gift to you.” So what has been graciously given to you?
If we look at the rest of the verse, we see that Paul presents two things that God (the Giver) has graciously given as gifts to Christians (the recipients): faith and suffering. First, Paul communicates that the very faith that we have is a gift that has been given by the hand of God by grace (Acts 13:48; Rom. 12:3; Eph. 2:8-9). The very fact that we believe in Christ is a gracious gift given to us by God’s grace. Yet, this verse also seems to communicate to us that from this same grace, God has given us another gift that coincides with the gift of faith. Namely, God has given us suffering as a gift and this coincides with our faith in Christ!
Now, anyone who has suffered in any capacity knows that pain, sorrow, fear, or any other form of grief is usually not pleasant. In fact, I think it is fair to say that it is quite the opposite. So how in the world could suffering be a gift? It becomes a gift when we realize the purpose with which it serves. Paul states, “It has been graciously gifted to you for the sake of Christ…”. This statement unfolds the hidden purpose of the Christian’s suffering. Whatever our lot in life, though we may not understand it at the moment, serves a divine purpose in the economy of God’s Kingdom.
Your suffering is a part of the plan and will of God! To quote the late Elizabeth Elliot, who was no stranger to suffering, she stated, “We are not adrift in chaos. To me that is the most fortifying, the most stabilizing, the most peace-giving thing that I know about anything in the universe. Every time that things have seemingly fallen apart in my life, I have gone back to those things that do not change. Nothing in the universe can ever change those facts. He loves me. I am not at the mercy of chance.”
I shared this revelation with Terry hoping to provide some scrap or shred of hope with him, but with low expectations for the outcome. However, I can only describe what came next as an act of the Holy Spirit working in Terry’s life. This broken and sorrowful man took these 26 words and decided in his heart that his suffering was not some haphazard event that would result in his demise. Rather, his suffering was the gift of God that was meant to increase his faith, draw him near to Jesus, and was given for the sake of Christ. From that day forward, Terry determined that God had defeated death and he would no longer allow death to have a hold on him! Rather, for the sake of Christ, he would use his sickness as the means to tell anyone and everyone about the God who saved him!
This began a spiritual revolution in the life of Terry and anyone he encountered. Every doctor he met knew about Jesus. Every nurse that checked his temperature was getting an update on his spiritual temperature. Even bad days provided an opportunity to shine the light of Christ, as Terry saw his fall into short tempered moments as a chance for repentance and apology to those he was rude to.
Sadly, around June of that year, my son Jacob was born and I received a job teaching Bible at a local Christian school. My family needed me home and I made the hard decision to leave my position over this ministry. I remember my last moments with Terry as we sat in my Hyundai Sonata eating Dairy Queen. However, when the ice cream was gone, neither of us said a word and just sat in silence. We knew this moment was goodbye. It was a moment reminiscent of Paul’s farewell to the Ephesian Elders. We simply didn’t want to say goodbye, yet the time had come. I hugged my brother so tightly in those last moments knowing that I had found a friendship in him that transcended earthly limitations. It was a friendship, no, it was a brotherhood, rooted in the Lord Jesus. Nevertheless, we said goodbye for now.
As the weeks and months passed, I stayed in close touch with Terry. He had permanently checked in as a resident at Hershey Medical Center. However, he would never tell me how he was really doing. He was only concerned with how my ministry with the students was going. But with each passing phone call, I knew he was getting worse.
On September 29th, 2019, I decided to go to Hershey to see Terry and upon entry to his hospital room, I was rendered speechless. When I came in, there before me was a shell of the man I once knew. There, Terry laid naked and covered in sores from the treatments and his body black and blue from being bed ridden. Yet, this is not what shocked me. What shocked me was who was sitting next to Terry’s bedside holding his hand. There next to his bed was his mother. The very mother who abused and abandoned Terry. The same mother who set Terry’s life on a crash course of destruction and suffering, now sat next to him holding his hand. When I came over to Terry’s side and leaned in to hug him, with what little strength he had left, Terry whispered to me, “Tell her about Jesus…”.
Terry no longer cared about the abuse, the pain, the sorrow. He had resolved in his heart that all these were providentially given by the hand of God to bring him to the place where Grace and mercy produced Faith in his heart. These were the gift of God to bring him to salvation in Christ. There was now purpose and meaning in it all. Now, as he faced death, he didn’t fear it as he knew death had no power over him. Rather, impending death had provided a wonderful opportunity for him to share Christ with the one who had hurt him the most. At his request, I opened his Bible and began to share with his mom about Jesus on his behalf.
Shortly after, his mother left and it was just the two of us. I sat on his bedside and rubbed his back. Again, we both knew it was time for me to go, but this time would be the last goodbye. As we both wept and said our final peace, I shared with Terry that it was ok for him to go home. On October 31st, 2019 at 4:00am, I received a call from Terry’s stepmom that Terry had gone home to be with our Lord.
As I write this blog, I write it with tears in my eyes. Tears of sorrow over the wages of sin and sorrow over the loss of a friend. However, these tears are also a symbol of great joy and peace. Joy that my brother ran the race well, found purpose in his suffering, and is now experiencing his own joy in the full presence of Christ. I also feel great peace knowing that suffering serves a divine purpose. Though in many cases suffering is a mystery and often escapes our comprehension. Though we don’t know the immediate details of why we have been chosen to experience what we are experiencing.
Though we can only see the seconds, minutes, and hours immediately before our eyes and unfortunately, sometimes those passing moments can feel like an eternity. I feel peace knowing that God is in control of all things and that there is a purpose in his plan in the midst of our suffering. Dare I lean into the proclamation of Paul that there is even a gift in our suffering that will increase our faith and allow us to exalt Jesus through our pain. So that, we can rejoice even in the darkest valley knowing that there is a blessing in the trial and that the trial itself is an act of God’s grace towards us even if we can see it.
The resolution to this question is often a deep mystery that can take us down dangerous rabbit trails of hypothetical answers that never truly satisfy our souls. “What if I did this or that, then maybe things would’ve turned out differently,” only leaves us with unnecessary guilt and regret. Overemphasis on wrongs done to us and victimizing ourselves only leaves us feeling bitter or angry. Certainly, in cases of abuse or pain, trauma must be dealt with appropriately. Sadly, when trauma is all we have without any hope, it becomes our identity. It ends up guiding the course of our lives and defines who we are.
Suffering is subjective and because of this, everyone is subject to its touch at some point or another. In most cases, it is constant in all of our lives in one way or another, whether conscious or not. Whether it's the nagging migraine that seems to never go away, or the broken heart of a teenager who just got dumped, all the way up to the diagnosis that has brought our lives to a screeching halt, or the dreaded phone call that a child has overdosed… Suffering touches us all in some way or another and in many cases never seems to end.
Sadly, as a result of Adam’s fall and the introduction of sin into the world, sin, death, and suffering will continue to reign over the course of the world and our lives. The good news is that Christ has already achieved victory over all these in his death and resurrection. Because of this reality, all these will be removed at the consummation of his wonderful kingdom. However, how do we as Christians persevere through the thorns and thistles of suffering as we await Christ’s return in the time between the already, but not yet?
Entire books have been written across church history to answer this question and the biblical proof texts to give us meaning in our suffering is plentiful. My intention in this blog is not to present some grandiose new concept intended to take away all your pain or heal the wounds you have. Rather, I would like to present to you a story of how one simple Bible verse on suffering changed a dear friend of mine’s perspective on his own personal grief. This change was so profound that he no longer saw his trial as a curse, but a gift that was given to him by the very hand of God. Our verse of study today is Philippians 1:29, which states, “For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake”.
I met my dear friend and brother, Terry Blessing (Yes, that is his real name), in December 2017. I had just started as the program manager of a Christian re-entry program. This was a program for men who had come to faith in Christ while incarcerated and desired a residential discipleship program to help them integrate back into society upon release. He entered the program the same week that I started and immediately our personalities connected. He was a mountain of a man who liked to fist fight and wore the battle scars to prove it. He took no attitude from anyone and was ready to throw down for any reason and at any time. Yet, there was one person who somehow got away with poking and prodding him in ways that others weren’t permitted to… and that person was me. Terry and I loved each other dearly as brothers in Christ and our friendship was unbreakable.
Over the course of the next year in this program, I had the privilege of discipling Terry and watching him grow from a self absorbed and self centered bully into one of the kindest and gentlest giants you could ever know. He was a living breathing testimony of the Holy Spirit’s power in action and I had a front row seat to this wonderful transformation.
During my time of counseling and discipling Terry, he shared with me his life story. This was a dark and disturbing tale of physical, emotional, and sexual abuse that began at an early age. According to Terry, his mother divorced his father to pursue a relationship with his uncle. As a result, Terry was forced to move in with his mom and uncle. Terry recalled that his uncle hated him because, “I looked like my dad,” and began physically and emotionally abusing him. Terry shared with me that his uncle would force him to stand naked on his kitchen table and hold books in each arm. If Terry dropped the books, his uncle would beat him. This abuse eventually escalated into his uncle raping him.
To make matters so drastically worse, when Terry’s mother found out about the abuse she failed to put a stop to it. Rather, she began to participate in the sexual abuse against Terry alongside his uncle. This was a deep and shameful secret that Terry kept hidden throughout the course of his adolescence. By his early teens, Terry had run away from home and resorted to violence as a mask to hide the horrid atrocities committed against him. I remember driving with Terry through Lebanon, Pennsylvania one summer evening. On this drive, Terry pointed out an old run down shack and informed me that he, “used to sleep in there on cold nights, when I was afraid to go home.” By the age of 19, Terry was arrested and charged with armed robbery of a 7-11. He was sentenced to 5-20 years at Camp Hill State Correctional Institution.
Yet, during this time in prison, Jesus found Terry and Terry found life! Now, I had the privilege of shepherding Terry as he entered into society through our program. It should be noted that this program was difficult. A sort of “Bible Boot Camp”, if you will. Nevertheless, Terry scratched and clawed his way through the program and had reached our final phase after about a year with us. Then one morning, Terry had a moment of weakness. Another student in the program began poking and prodding Terry to get a response and Terry blew up and shoved this kid. From there, I had to hold Terry back to ensure that he didn’t kill him! When Terry finally calmed down, he knew the mistake that he had made. Our program had a zero tolerance policy on physical altercations. If you put your hands on someone, you’re out! I had bad news to break to my brother Terry. He was going back to state prison. We were both crushed…
I’ll never forget sitting with Terry to break the news to him. Before I could speak, he broke down sobbing. He knew what awaited him if we put him out. Through sobbing and a broken voice, Terry told me, “If you send me back out in these streets, I’m either going to end up killing someone or someone is going to kill me… please Doug… I’m not ready…”. This was the only time that I petitioned for our board to break our rule on physical altercations. The transformation that we had witnessed in this man could not be denied. What he needed in this moment of weakness was not law and wrath. Terry Blessing needed grace and grace is exactly what we gave him. We allowed Terry to stay in the program, contingent upon him starting the entire thing over from the beginning. Terry agreed and I was blessed to have the opportunity to continue discipling my brother for at least another year.
Then comes the plot twist. Shortly after Terry restarted the program, he got sick. It started with a consistent low fever and mild-flu like symptoms. However, within a few months, Terry began noticing large purple sores forming all over his legs. These would continue to spread throughout his body. His primary care physician was stumped, dermatologists were clueless, and Hershey Medical center could only stabilize him. However, Terry’s world came to a screeching halt when he was finally diagnosed by doctors at the University of Pennsylvania. Terry was diagnosed with a rare and extremely aggressive form of lymphoma. He was in stage four and the doctors gave him mere months to live. He was 31 years old when he received this crippling news.
At this time, I was a student at Westminster in Philly and was taking Greek courses. I would take Terry to his appointments in the city, go to class and come back to pick him up. Because of the aggressive nature of the cancer, he was constantly being poked, prodded, and worked on. Caring for Terry became a full time job that the ministry team did with great joy. We all learned how to clean his pic lines, what his diet needed to consist of, and we understood his condition intimately so that we could help him discern the next right steps. Terry was abundantly loved and supported through this time of trial.
During this time, I lived on-site with the men in the program half the week and then came home to Delaware the other half. This gave the men full access to me at any time from Sunday through Wednesday. Oftentimes, my ministry work was outside of the normal hours of operation and lasted well into the early morning hours. On one of these late nights, Terry came to my office around 1am as I was working on Greek translations of Philippians 1. Terry had just come home from a two week admittance to Hershey Hospital due to a high fever. When he came in, I could tell he was afraid and broken. Terry entered the office, laid down on my couch and before he could begin speaking he broke down in tears. His cry this morning was simply, “Why me?” “Why after everything that I have been through would God allow this to happen to me?”
In God’s providence, I had an answer for my beloved brother. Just moments earlier I had finished translating Philippians 1:29 and found a wonderful and amazing exegetical detail that was not seen in the English translation. The ESV translates this verse as, “For it has been granted to you that for the sake of Christ you should not only believe in him but also suffer for his sake”. The verb translated as, “it has been granted” is charizomai. This verb comes from the root out of which we get the term and theological concept of grace! The picture presented by this word is not a mere granting of something to another, but rather presents a beautiful picture of something that is, “graciously given as a gift to you.” So what has been graciously given to you?
If we look at the rest of the verse, we see that Paul presents two things that God (the Giver) has graciously given as gifts to Christians (the recipients): faith and suffering. First, Paul communicates that the very faith that we have is a gift that has been given by the hand of God by grace (Acts 13:48; Rom. 12:3; Eph. 2:8-9). The very fact that we believe in Christ is a gracious gift given to us by God’s grace. Yet, this verse also seems to communicate to us that from this same grace, God has given us another gift that coincides with the gift of faith. Namely, God has given us suffering as a gift and this coincides with our faith in Christ!
Now, anyone who has suffered in any capacity knows that pain, sorrow, fear, or any other form of grief is usually not pleasant. In fact, I think it is fair to say that it is quite the opposite. So how in the world could suffering be a gift? It becomes a gift when we realize the purpose with which it serves. Paul states, “It has been graciously gifted to you for the sake of Christ…”. This statement unfolds the hidden purpose of the Christian’s suffering. Whatever our lot in life, though we may not understand it at the moment, serves a divine purpose in the economy of God’s Kingdom.
Your suffering is a part of the plan and will of God! To quote the late Elizabeth Elliot, who was no stranger to suffering, she stated, “We are not adrift in chaos. To me that is the most fortifying, the most stabilizing, the most peace-giving thing that I know about anything in the universe. Every time that things have seemingly fallen apart in my life, I have gone back to those things that do not change. Nothing in the universe can ever change those facts. He loves me. I am not at the mercy of chance.”
I shared this revelation with Terry hoping to provide some scrap or shred of hope with him, but with low expectations for the outcome. However, I can only describe what came next as an act of the Holy Spirit working in Terry’s life. This broken and sorrowful man took these 26 words and decided in his heart that his suffering was not some haphazard event that would result in his demise. Rather, his suffering was the gift of God that was meant to increase his faith, draw him near to Jesus, and was given for the sake of Christ. From that day forward, Terry determined that God had defeated death and he would no longer allow death to have a hold on him! Rather, for the sake of Christ, he would use his sickness as the means to tell anyone and everyone about the God who saved him!
This began a spiritual revolution in the life of Terry and anyone he encountered. Every doctor he met knew about Jesus. Every nurse that checked his temperature was getting an update on his spiritual temperature. Even bad days provided an opportunity to shine the light of Christ, as Terry saw his fall into short tempered moments as a chance for repentance and apology to those he was rude to.
Sadly, around June of that year, my son Jacob was born and I received a job teaching Bible at a local Christian school. My family needed me home and I made the hard decision to leave my position over this ministry. I remember my last moments with Terry as we sat in my Hyundai Sonata eating Dairy Queen. However, when the ice cream was gone, neither of us said a word and just sat in silence. We knew this moment was goodbye. It was a moment reminiscent of Paul’s farewell to the Ephesian Elders. We simply didn’t want to say goodbye, yet the time had come. I hugged my brother so tightly in those last moments knowing that I had found a friendship in him that transcended earthly limitations. It was a friendship, no, it was a brotherhood, rooted in the Lord Jesus. Nevertheless, we said goodbye for now.
As the weeks and months passed, I stayed in close touch with Terry. He had permanently checked in as a resident at Hershey Medical Center. However, he would never tell me how he was really doing. He was only concerned with how my ministry with the students was going. But with each passing phone call, I knew he was getting worse.
On September 29th, 2019, I decided to go to Hershey to see Terry and upon entry to his hospital room, I was rendered speechless. When I came in, there before me was a shell of the man I once knew. There, Terry laid naked and covered in sores from the treatments and his body black and blue from being bed ridden. Yet, this is not what shocked me. What shocked me was who was sitting next to Terry’s bedside holding his hand. There next to his bed was his mother. The very mother who abused and abandoned Terry. The same mother who set Terry’s life on a crash course of destruction and suffering, now sat next to him holding his hand. When I came over to Terry’s side and leaned in to hug him, with what little strength he had left, Terry whispered to me, “Tell her about Jesus…”.
Terry no longer cared about the abuse, the pain, the sorrow. He had resolved in his heart that all these were providentially given by the hand of God to bring him to the place where Grace and mercy produced Faith in his heart. These were the gift of God to bring him to salvation in Christ. There was now purpose and meaning in it all. Now, as he faced death, he didn’t fear it as he knew death had no power over him. Rather, impending death had provided a wonderful opportunity for him to share Christ with the one who had hurt him the most. At his request, I opened his Bible and began to share with his mom about Jesus on his behalf.
Shortly after, his mother left and it was just the two of us. I sat on his bedside and rubbed his back. Again, we both knew it was time for me to go, but this time would be the last goodbye. As we both wept and said our final peace, I shared with Terry that it was ok for him to go home. On October 31st, 2019 at 4:00am, I received a call from Terry’s stepmom that Terry had gone home to be with our Lord.
As I write this blog, I write it with tears in my eyes. Tears of sorrow over the wages of sin and sorrow over the loss of a friend. However, these tears are also a symbol of great joy and peace. Joy that my brother ran the race well, found purpose in his suffering, and is now experiencing his own joy in the full presence of Christ. I also feel great peace knowing that suffering serves a divine purpose. Though in many cases suffering is a mystery and often escapes our comprehension. Though we don’t know the immediate details of why we have been chosen to experience what we are experiencing.
Though we can only see the seconds, minutes, and hours immediately before our eyes and unfortunately, sometimes those passing moments can feel like an eternity. I feel peace knowing that God is in control of all things and that there is a purpose in his plan in the midst of our suffering. Dare I lean into the proclamation of Paul that there is even a gift in our suffering that will increase our faith and allow us to exalt Jesus through our pain. So that, we can rejoice even in the darkest valley knowing that there is a blessing in the trial and that the trial itself is an act of God’s grace towards us even if we can see it.
Doug Clarke serves as the Executive Director of MARKINC Ministries, a faith-based 501(c)3 resource ministry dedicated to offering help and hope to the hurting and heartbroken through the triage, treatment, and teaching of Jesus Christ. He is presently pursuing a Master of Divinity at Westminster Theological Seminary, is a certified advanced alcohol and drug counselor (CAADC) through the Delaware Certification Board, and is licensed to preach in the Presbyterian Church of America (PCA).
Share this post:
No Comments